Sunday, September 7, 2008

Keeping My Face To The Sunshine...

My daughter started Grade 8 this week. She’s been looking forward to high school since the beginning of Grade 7 so she’s finally arrived. And she’s taken to it like a little fish to water! I’m so pleased for her and so excited about all the possibilities that lie ahead for her. Do I sound sage and well adjusted? Well, let’s just say it’s been a process! And it ain't over yet! But I'm taking things in stride far better than I was several months ago when the end of Grade 7 was looming. And a lot of it is just me putting on my brave face. The image I have of myself on the inside is hands tightly clasped to my heart, standing up on my toes a little bit, leaving forward slightly, an expectant/hopeful/cringing expression on my face…smiling tightly and trying not to let on that, along with feeling hopeful and proud and confident in my daughter’s abilities…I am also terrified! There she goes – out there into the world. Without me. On the bus!! With teenagers! To the largest high school in all of Vancouver. The one that I left midway through Grade 10.

The fates have smiled upon me and I have been so fortunate to have three incredibly wonderful , healthy children – I marvel at my life every single day. My daughter, like me, was born first, thereby making her the one among her siblings to take all the steps, reach all the milestones, try everything out, well, first! Like I did. And as a girl. Like me. So, while I can remember and relate to all lot of these experiences she’s having and these adventures she’s starting out on, I am also now in the lovely position of being the Mom this time. And that puts a whole new spin on things! And although growing up in my household as a kid, as a teen, there was a completely different dynamic (I like to say we put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional! NOT!), there have been many times along this parenting journey where I have found myself thinking about my parents and finding some common ground, some understanding of what they were going through and what might have been driving them. But I think I am getting sidetracked…

The point I think I might be trying to make is…this is big! Wish me luck! It is only the beginning!! And may whatever whispers of fortune that had to have been following me through my teenage years that allowed me to come through my adolescence ALIVE and somewhat intact, please, PLEASE be with my daughter in even greater force! I’m going to do my damndest as her parent, and I believe she is starting from a much better place, but there’s so much out there and so much ahead…I’m hopeful though. And with Chanel feeling so positive and so excited and so motivated – I’m going to concentrate on that and support her to keep it going. My experiences don’t have to be hers – this is a time in her life that could one day be looked back upon with fondness and good memories.

And now I’ve about used up all my positivity! We’ll just take it ‘one day at a time’ as the old adage goes!

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